i've been told to be wary of wishing. because when you wish for something so badly, the universe may just go ahead and give it to you. i got a text today from an ex-boyfriend-almost-boyfriend-again-for-the-nth-time. more chances? i really thought i wanted one.
from the bottom of my heart, i really really really am sorry. i never meant to lead you on. you see, when i finally decided to let things take its own course, life got in way. i've loved you for so long. and in all those years that you've stayed away, i keep telling myself that fate would find a way to bring us back together. so whatever i felt, i decided to set them aside. just so i could keep breathing. i want you to know that when i did this, i had faith that whatever feelings i had, could withstand anything. i guess its really true that you could teach your heart to forget. and love again. it may not be in same way as i have loved you. but still, i learned. and i did it without losing myself. as i have lost myself with you. and i think i like love this way.
truth be told, i had no idea saying no could be so liberating. really. i was at lost for words. even now, i still could not believe at the immensity of the wave of relief that washed over me when i realized that there is nothing that you could say or do that could touch me again. ever.
you are dead to me now. at last. i am in peace.
